- May 22nd, 2013
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When do you say enough is enough? When do quit letting people walk all over you? Yes I know there are a lot of you with kind hearts that want to believe the best in everyone. Yet does that mean that your kind heartedness allows others to misuse and abuse you? Whether you are applying this in your relationship, friendship, family or business you should not allow others to take advantage of you. There is a fine line between being overly nice and being a fool. I hope that you know the difference.
Are you taking everyone at their word expecting them to do you right? If you don’t stand up for yourself and show that you are not a push-over, why would you expect for people to respect you. People only do what you allow them to do. So if you are feeling like someone’s doormat on a daily basis then more than likely you are someone’s doormat because that is what you are allowing them to do to you. If this seems to be striving a nerve then maybe you need to re-evaluate yourself. Only truth stings when it hits an open womb.
So my question for you is what will you do now? Will you keep being overly nice expecting a change when clearly there will not be a change to occur? Or will you do something different? Einstein once said “Insanity is to continue doing the same thing expecting a different result.” Would you consider yourself insane? Would you consider yourself irrational? How about illogical? No? Then what satisfaction do you get from continuing to allow people to hurt you in a using manner? Unless you are a sado-masochist and actually enjoy feeling the pain and abuse from others, that is. Everyone deserves a chance in life to be happy.
Now if you continue to pass your happiness on to someone else, you are purposefully forfeiting your own happiness. Are you doing that out of fear? Do you believe that it makes you a selfish person if you say “NO” every once in a while? Yes saying “NO” may feel uncomfortable at first but you can’t be good to everyone else and not good to yourself. It’s like running you into the ground to take care of everyone else and allowing your health and mental stability to dissipate. Any health professional will tell you it’s not healthy or wise because once you run dry the “users” will find someone else to use and abuse.
Not saying you have to be mean and cold-hearted to everyone but you do need to figure out when to draw a line. As I have stated throughout this blog, there is nothing wrong with saying “NO.” Reason being is because people have told you NO a time or two before so you have the same right to say it to others. This is not a tick-for-tat situation but it is blog meant to raise awareness. I can see “you” stressing over what others will say if you take a stand. I personally understand the inner turmoil that you are experiencing but note that the more you stand up for yourself the more others will respect you. Yes they may not like it but eventually they will respect you. And if they don’t then that shows you who your true friends are. I truly hope “you” take these words to heart and do some self-evaluation because like I stated before. Everyone deserves to experience happiness and that means you also!!!
As always viewers embrace life, love and lessons
So we have cleaned our houses but now it is time for a quick “time out”. We all need time-out’s sometimes from the world. With day-to-day activities, we forget to check in on ourselves…..really figure out somethings….like where we are in pursuit of our goals…..how we are feeling emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It’s amazing the things that we discover when we disconnect ourselves from the world but the more amazing things come when we reconnect to some things versus others and here’s why…….
When the change of seasons come, I always take a “time out” to “re-group” and “re-prioritize” somethings in my life….when it comes to our lives, we have the choice to write a new story everyday. So it’s time to make a new choice but in order for us to re-group we need to understand what we truly want for ourselves. Removing ourselves from people, places, and things can be GREAT but staying connected to negativity can harm us.
I am a light worker. I am a positive human being but the most important part of that statement that I just stated is that I am a HUMAN BEING. I’m stubborn, very goal-oriented, stubborn (yes I said it twice), driven, hold in my emotions sometimes (I’m a Capricorn) but I’m HUMAN. There will be some days in my life that will not always be perfect but just ok. There will also be some days in my life that will be amazing. There will be moments that I want to curse like a sailor and other’s where i’m good energy wise. However, I have to take time for myself and I felt like I didn’t do that over these past few months and years.
Here is a snippet of how my life has been since 2012:
January 2012 – Turned 30; still recovering from my surgery in December (if I had taken better care of myself) and weight sky-rocketed; not feeling good about myself and where I was in my life.
February 2012 – Still going to the doctor’s at least twice a week; still in a weird space
March 2012 – Had another 2 surgery’s because I didn’t take care of myself; frustrated with myself beyond belief.
April 2012 – Making some decisions about my life; at this point, I’m exhausted because I’m still checking on my Dad, whose health was deteriorating.
May 2012 – Deciding to leave my job and get “myself” back on track health wise; moved backed to Atlanta; started flirting with the idea of Graduate School – MBA program
June 2012 – Dad’s health not so good; traveling to Baltimore for 10-14 days
July 2012 – August 2012 – Dad’s health still not great; traveled to Baltimore for at least 2 in a half weeks between July and August
September 2012 – Dad transitioned to heaven; devastated and distraught yet still trying to go full speed; school plans put on hold until further notice; traveled to Baltimore for 7-10 days to take care of his affair.
October 2012 – Traveled to Baltimore for 14 days to take care of Dad’s affairs; still trying to go hard.
November 2012 – First basketball season and first holiday without my Dad; still trying to run hard
December 2012 – Another major holiday without my Dad; moving into a new place in Atlanta and still going to Baltimore
January 2013 – Turned 31; really looking at myself and my health and how I let myself go; still traveling to Baltimore to take care of things.
February 2013 – Traveling to Baltimore to finally clean out my Dad’s storage (I wasn’t ready at all but I did ok shockingly); stayed in Baltimore for 10 days before coming back home to Atlanta to start a new job; made a decision for Lent – no social media; need to totally disconnect from the world.
Now, what I just typed above looked absolutely CRAZY but I was running off of fumes but I realize now looking back it was the WORST thing I tried to do to heal.
When you speak to someone who REALLY knows me, they will always tell you i’m strong, ambitious, driven and focused but you will NEVER here someone say “oh she’s weak, she’s fragile, she’s lost it.” NEVER will you here that but lately I am just like “Kris, you don’t ALWAYS have to be so strong and you can say NO but most importantly “Kris, take a “time out” “re-group”. Not to worry about things but just to simply BE and to FEEL and believe me, it was well worth it for me to acknowledge and align of this. I share this with you all because we all need to take TIME OUTS in our lives. We all have to take the time to really check “IN” on ourselves. Do you know where you are in your life? Have you began working on your 1-3/3-5 year plan? When is the last time you cried? When is the last time you have dreamed? When have you told someone how you are REALLY feeling? These things are SO important for our health and they can help us or hurt us – we DECIDE.
I never realized how much I needed to release and write – it’s been so therapeutic and i’m grateful for it. Sometimes you need to have a season where it is just YOU (and your creator of course) and i recommend you do it often.
Hope this inspires you in some way.
Light & Love,
Its 7:00am on a weekday. You have gotten yourself ready for work, your kid(s) fed and ready for their day also and now you all are on your way out the door. You work your complete 8-hour shift dealing with people who have probably tap danced on your last nerve and now you have to fight traffic just to pick up your kids and head home so that you can prepare dinner and get them and yourself ready for work. This is your entire routine all week long. The weekend comes along and you find yourself in front of your television watching kid cartoons (when the kids are awake) or under your blanket on the couch watching Golden Girls. Silently in the back of your mind you’re wondering when did you find this repetitious lifestyle enjoyable.
I’m not saying that what you’re doing is wrong. I commend you for being a responsible adult and taking care of your responsibility without expecting praise and congratulations for doing what you’re supposed to do. Children are a great gift. They make you smile when you feel you are at your lowest. They motivate you to do your best because you know they deserve the best. They inspire you more than anyone you have ever encountered. So I understand that you make countless sacrifices for them in the name of love. But my question for you is what have you done for you lately?
More than likely, you are probably giving countless reasons why you haven’t done anything for yourself. You have probably noticed that your child has torn up his shoes from playing too hard. Now you have to take the money you saved to do something special for yourself to buy him/her some new shoes. Or you probably have heard you child relentlessly dropping hints about a new videogame that has just been released that he really wants. So after a hard week at work yet still being able to make it to a Parent Teacher Conference, you feel as though you child has earned this reward for perfect performance at school. Again, my question is when was the last time you did something for yourself because you earned it?
That’s ok I’ll wait. Take your time. At this time I’m pretty sure you even you are drawing a blank. You take care of things at work, take care of your kids; you even take care of your entire house. If something breaks you fix it, if something is out you replenish it. And even though you more than likely don’t want to admit, you are probably more than tired. You are exhausted but you know if you don’t do it then it won’t get done. It’s not about being independent. In your mind you know what needs to be done and you have people depending on you that you can’t let down. So you stretch, pull and break yourself just to try to cover everything that is needed. Unfortunately, you forgot one crucial area to take care of. YOU!
I say this because you’re probably sleep deprived, agitated and constantly moving. Your days are more than likely running into themselves more often than not. And the kicker is when you stare in the mirror you barely recognize the reflection. This is NOT healthy. Yes you’re probably reading this and asking isn’t this blog supposed to be a Relationship column. Yes it is. Today’s relationship advice is the most important relationship of all, the relationship of YOU. If you can’t take care and appreciate you how can you handle everything else that is on your agenda?
I’m not saying that what you’re doing isn’t right or important but sometimes you need to step away and center yourself. Your life is not all about your kids. It’s not all about your work. It’s not all about your friends or family. You were an INDIVIDUAL before all of this and you will be an INDIVIDUAL after all of this. So to do something just for you no matter how small it is can make all the difference. Its ok to not buy your child those new pair of shoes but rather take yourself out to dinner. I’m pretty sure they have plenty of other shoes they can wear until you replace those. You do not have to buy that new video at this very moment. Rather take yourself to a spa treatment.
These little pleasures can make a world of difference. You can help pull you out that fog that you can’t seem to shake and even make you more enjoyable to be around. When was the last time you made yourself laugh? Still thinking huh? You have to realize that just because you take the time to take of yourself does not make you a selfish person. If anything you’re being selfless, relieving stress and will even help your overall health. I know many of us have kids, a life we have to live and responsibilities that fall solely on us. But we also have to make sure we take care and love ourselves because we are the only ones who can do it. At the end of the day we have people depending on us.
It was my pleasure viewers that you took time to visit LezFemmeMentality.com and I hope you will return.
As always embrace life, love and lessons…