This isn’t about all the great moments the world should embrace and make unicorn juice with and it definitely is not for those who want this tragic drama about another person’s jacked up life. No. I would have to say this is just the beginning of our friendship. Yeah, you and me. We have just become best friend and that’s not something I’m excited about but since I’m going to tell you all my business, I have no choice but break the news to you straight. I’m very quiet when in the presence of people, that’s probably why I’m going to talk your ear off. It’s selfish that I don’t want to interact with with other people but it saves everybody some heartache and pain.
You’re still reading and since you can’t talk back to me, I’ll take it you agree. You’re the one still reading so don’t debate what I’m saying, I’m just the portal for you to be nosey and look at my life, every little square inch and there is quite a bit of footage we have to cover. The people you are going to meet over the next few weeks through this big ass glass you’re sitting in front of don’t even know I’m putting their business out to perfect strangers who just enjoy reading about emotions….a perfect strangers emotions. Wait, should I be leery of you? I just thought about that. You are excited to hear everything aren’t you?
First of all, the author who is typing this for me will not be creating the kumbaya effect for any reason. Have you read her blogs? She’s like this ‘balance-and-spiritual-mumbo-jumbo-throw-your-hands-in-the-air’ type person and sometimes I just want her to shut-up and let people live but I’m bitter with life so keep reading her stuff, it’ll help you against people like me. I am NOT all ‘balance-and-spiritual-mumbo-jumbo-throw-your-hands-in-the-air’ and I told her if I was going to let her speak for me, she will not make me appear perfect. Let me tell you something, I’m not a role model for anyone, I’m just a person who doesn’t know how to use my voice and with the help of the same author I was just talking junk about, I realize I can’t be silent anymore. Yes, this is written by an “author”, technically, but trust, I will be the only one giving you front row seats to the action and boy is it some dysfunctional yet interesting stuff in my life. I’m so rude, you see how I am. I didn’t even introduce myself, just started talking and bulldozed the conversation. I’m sorry.
My name is Solomon. People call me Sol for short (I hate to abbreviate my name, put Pine in front of it and it is the name of a cleaning supply). Anyway, that’s not why we’re here but I ramble a lot so be prepared for any and all distractions. If it gets too annoying just stop reading, I don’t care, I’m going talk as much as I want anyway.
I am 24. I’m a Libra but I hate other Libras; they are too needy and it annoys the crap out of me. I know that sounds horrible but reality is something I can’t control. Let’s see, what do you need to know? Oh, I have the cheesiest friends on the planet and plums are the devil.
Today has been rough because my ex has been calling a lot. Let me start you at the beginning of my past relationship. I know I said past which means it happened before but then I contradicted that and referenced my ex in a current situation. In case you aren’t familiar with love scenes in life, they aren’t always the most stable when it comes to emotions and breaking up with someone. My ex is still my fill-in for a mate, that is until we get mad at each other over something we shouldn’t even be concerned with since we keep saying we broke up. The people around us don’t even treat us like we’re broken up and it’s probably because we carry on like a couple who just can’t get it right but for now, respect the fact that we are broken up and our feelings don’t want to accept the truth.
So yeah, my ex is calling and today I want to be broken up because I just can’t keep dealing with this emotional roller coaster we have each other on. We are so ridiculous with our expectations of each other and something has to give. Why do we keep tabs on each other, STILL? Why is ok for us to have a key to each other’s house when all we do is give it back when the anger gets too high? I mean, we do this every week and both of us are responsible for the chaos. I am going to set the boundaries today so this cycle can stop.
After I answer this call, I’ll be done, I promise. See, you don’t even believe me and we just got acquainted; trust issues already but I expect that from someone who hasn’t been in love with my ex. Amazing! Yes! The best mate I ever had. Teacher by day and night lounge owner seven nights a week. Ambitious is not the word, we just have different views on world issues which creates a wedge between us in all other areas. I’m a Democrat, my ex is a Republican. I’m Protestant and my ex is Jewish. I don’t want to go back to college but my ex doesn’t want to be with a loser who isn’t trying to “do more” with their life; refusing to understand that I can still continue my career path WITHOUT a degree and learn whatever I miss via Google search or YouTube. The list goes on but our love doesn’t seem like it wants to. Maybe I shouldn’t say our love is to blame because we definitely love each other, it is more a lack of effort or even the desire to try.
I don’t know. I never understood love or even thought about getting married until I met my ex; my complete opposite yet sharing the vibe of similarity that I need. I’m done talking about my ex because it gets me confused about whether I should move back in or just keep my focus on being single. I mean actually cutting the communication completely (calls,text and social media) and making us grow separately.
As I answer this phone all I see is that smile. WAIT! I have to stop, let me get my focus. “Hello?” There’s silence. Now there are tears. “What’s wrong?”
Still silence. Ok, time to try a different approach. NO! This is a trap and I have to stay focused. I have to get us healthy. There’s a reason we can’t be together and we have to respect that.
“Look, I’ll call you later because I’m in the middle of cooking and don’t really have time for ‘US’ right now.”
“Please don’t hang up. I just wanted to hear your voice. I won’t hold you though. Bye Sol”
The phone goes silent and now I have to get ready for work so I’ll give you all the details when you come over next week. This is so crazy but I can’t even open that box right now or I’ll be late, as I usually am when this sort of thing happens between us. Yeah, let me get out of here and stay strong against my heart because the struggle of hearing that voice sound so authentic and caring is making me forget my keys AND my badge to get in the building at work. Grrrrrrr!!!!! This is why I hate my ex!